Generational Maturity 1.5

I came back to edit my post for today and realized that the whole post had been deleted. Except the picture of my Grandmother.

I am kind of inspired as I believe that the universe is giving me the option of doing something new.

I just watched Kadee Strickland portray the victim of a sexual assault on Thursday's Private Practice. I am a tad behind, today being Monday and all.

I was left in tears. Her performance was exceptional. She should win an Emmy, a Golden Globe, an Oscar and a freaking Grammy. I was so affected by her I was afraid I was going to be sick. Her ordeal was so genuinely represented I was shaken.

There was no cutting of corners. No, "let's spare the people" that you sometimes see in representations of sexual assault. Like Charlotte says in the episode. When a representation of assault is portrayed usually the victim's eyes just go blank and she goes away... To some other place where she is spared the consciousness of the brutality of what is happening to her. In reality, she is aware of every horrendous second. Every thrust, every touch, every breath and word. There is no escape. Those seconds are repeated over and over. No matter what she's doing. Standing in line at the coffee shop and a voice brings her back. Night terrors aren't just for toddlers. Waking up in the middle of the night bathed in sweat becomes a regular occurrence.

She is never safe again. No relationship is a safe place for expression. Mirrors are covered after showers, as the sight of her own body makes her sick. It has already betrayed her so violently. The effects of the assault are internalized, shame and self-blame. Should've left earlier, should've not talked to that person, should've... should've... Should've been born into a world that doesn't tolerate this. That's what SHOULD HAVE happened.

Rape is a global issue, an issue that effects us all. An issue that we all must fight to end. By the way, rape isn't and never will be strictly a women's issue. Not when men are doing the raping. Everyone needs to step up to end this violence. IT MUST BE STOPPED.

Generational Maturity Part One

I decided to take on an adventure of sorts. I always promised my grandmother that I would do the "family tree research" thing. I am lucky enough to come (via generations) from a small French family. So, a lot of the research had already been done by a professional genealogist. Easy-peasy. Needless to say, being a professional myself (professional procrastinator) I didn't complete (or start) the task before my grandmother passed away in February.

I was missing my grandmother and the opportunities I missed to spend time with her. So, I finally buckled down and started the work I had promised that I would complete. Thanks to ancestry.com I was handed information that followed one branch of the family tree all the way back to the late 1500's. Yipee!!!



I had prided myself on my supposed recent American heritage. My father is first generation Irish. My mother is a mutt of sorts. I didn't know that there were ancestors that came to American shores before the 20th century. As a family, we were recent immigrants. That was the extent of my knowledge. That knowledge was going to be expanded in a large way.

Unaware of the treacherous past I would later discover, I stood back during discussions about slavery and restitution. My family (to my knowledge) wasn't here. I didn't feel superior, I voiced my opinion when it was warranted. I was vocal in my belief that slavery is a disgusting and horrid thing. I find it abhorrent. I also think that when a large number of our human race are held in a position of bondage there is a certain amount of "restitution" required. What that restitution entails, I don't know. I am not a political science major or a community organizer. I don't think lower tuition rates and government benefits are too much to ask for the generations of children descended from the enslaved people who built the rooms in which that government resides.



Imagine my (disgusted) surprise when I discovered through my research that not only had my family been here for a hundred years before the Civil War, but at one point had reached a level of "prosperity" which put them in a position to purchase and enslave another human being. Not just one human being, but several. When I read the materials relating to this discovery I was physically ill. I was forced to confront my beliefs about where I came from. I remember being on the phone with a cousin from another side of the family. I couldn't believe what I had found. I had to admit to myself that in some ways I had been a bit smug. I had proudly claimed that my family had worked for everything they had, breaking their own backs. What I discovered changed everything I thought and felt about my whole being.