From Simone de Beauvoir to Sex and the City



Letters to Sartre on Amazon



I've been reading Letters to Sartre, a collection of Simone de Beauvoir's letters to Jean-Paul Sartre during thirty-three years of their life-long love affair. The letters selected for this book begin in 1930 during Sartre's military service, continue through World War II and end in 1963. I haven't finished the book, but I am enjoying it.

The letters include the mundane of every day life, from meals eaten to friends seen. Yet, you can feel the loss of her partner in every word. The details that they were used to sharing when they could see each other nearly every day, are the ties that bind them when they are apart. 

In a letter dated, October 8, 1939 she is discussing the relationship between them as a couple and their loved ones. As well as, how people view corresponding relationships between their loved ones and those their loved ones choose to love. The "morganatic marriage" between the two philosophers allowed them to engage in love affairs with other people. At times, these extraneous lovers were shared between them. de Beauvoir's letters (as the book contains only her own) comment upon the behaviors of these people. She refers to the strain that some people were on her life, as she steadfastly proclaims her adoration of the same. de Beauvoir could damn and elevate as she saw fit. All the while, clearly intuiting the motivations behind their actions. Only Sartre and de Beauvoir were aware of the exact nature of these relationships and often provided alibis so that the other could visit a lover other than who they were seeing at the time.

The fascinating thing is that (so far) not once has de Beauvoir expressed any concern that Sartre would be taken from her in any way but the outcome of  war. These other women were no threat to the pure and exact nature of their relationship. Her self-containment was such that she didn't even believe it possible. The only thing she has yet complained of is losing days when Sartre is on leave to one of his lovers. Her confidence is astounding. As well as enlightening.



Maybe this is a weird connection. It reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City. Everyone shows up late at a restaurant for Carrie's birthday and she has already gone home. Charlotte goes to Carrie's apartment and scares her in the shower. After convincing her to join just the four friends for dinner, Charlotte takes Carrie to the diner. The girls are sitting around the table disscussing their relationships and Charlotte says, "Maybe we can be each other's soul-mates... guys can just be these great people to hang out with...". (I am paraphrasing.)      

       

It made sense to me. Why do we elevate other people to a status within our lives and psyche that gives them the power to damn us and how we feel about ourselves? Where is our self-confidence that permits another to live their life without our "control". Does it matter what a friend of a friend thinks of me? Will my relationship with someone deteriorate if they develop a new friendship or a love affair? If everyone were to leave me today, would I cease to exist? Is my worth and value caught up in the feelings of another?

These two cultural opposites, got me thinking the very same thing. What part of my value is determined by myself alone? Shouldn't it be all of it? From now on it will be.